Emergent Thinkers™

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“Happy International Day of Friendship……”…..shares the radio presenter…

News to me, but the ‘International Day of Friendship is observed on July 30‘… a day to mark the significant contribution of friendship to our lives. Not that we should need a ‘marked’ day to recognise or embrace the value of this unique form of social relationship but the radio byte hooked my attention during a long drive…distracting me to resurface several names and faces of close bonds, past and present, migrating on to how and why friendships have evolved and dissolved in my own world, whilst others have stood the test of time; and what they reveal…

Adopting my preferred phenomenological perspective, Dreher (2009), citing Alfred Schutz, suggests that friendship is a notion or idea – even an imagined construct – which transcends the everyday world of individuals. It is a special form of “encounter with fellow human beings” that creates a specific bond between people (Schutz, 1962, p. 353f.).

In the car, I thought of my special friend Amanda. Our ongoing relationship has already achieved ‘lifetime status’, having formed when we connected at the tender age of four. This precious friendship has endured despite periods when we were not living in the same space due to various life stages. Its emotional longevity means we are intricately woven into each other’s life fabric and story, with an ingrained sense of knowing each other’s essence or ‘core of being’. Our friendship is expressed through mutual support, care, celebration, and challenge. Despite our evolution and maturation over time, neither of us has lost the essence of those early days. We still find the four-year-old, the fourteen-year-old, and so on in each other. I marvel at the purity of that instinctive knowing, even as children, when you meet someone and feel the uniqueness of the deep bond about to form.

I also recalled friends who have played significant roles in different phases of my life. Though distance or circumstance may have shifted our paths, their influence and cherished memories have left an enduring imprint.

Some friendships, like those with Jocelyn and Gregory, have grown from the briefest encounters – a single day of connection blossomed into decades of geographically dispersed care and support. This reminded me again of that instinctive ‘friendship at first sight’.

Others, formed through work or study, have transcended professional boundaries to become deeply personal, now inextricably woven into my life tapestry.

Friendship involves trust, respect, and shared experiences, but each bond also possesses unique aspects that defy easy explanation (Dreher, 2009). As fellow sufferers, colleagues, and comrades (Schutz, 1989, p. 292), once friendship is established, individuals become symbols of this unique idea of companionship (Dreher, 2009).

This reflection led me to not only consider what friendships have brought into my life, but also what I have contributed to them. Friendship, often a casually used term, can be misused or misunderstood. Many of us have experienced the disappointment of thinking, “I thought they were my friend.” My journey of wonder during that drive ultimately led to specific questions: What is the meaning, value, and duty of true friendship? And do I live up to them?

True friendship is perhaps a rarer gift than we may fully appreciate ‘in the moment’. it really asks that we at least always try to  “show up with absolute integrity of intention” (O’ Donohue, 2011).

I feel truly blessed and in awe of the wonder of it all – that we can orient ourselves so strongly to specific lives, and that we may be met so serendipitously by another in a space of openness, trust, and vulnerability. That others choose to walk some steps or a whole lifetime with us.

To all my friends, past and present: thank you for falling into friendship with me and enriching the journey.

And specially to my dear friend Amanda, you have walked with me through every chapter of life – your presence is a testament to the wonder of friendship that endures. 

Ours is a bond that has weathered time and distance, rooted in shared memories, laughter, and an unspoken understanding that needs no explanation.

In you, I have found a lifelong companion, a mirror to my soul, and a constant source of strength and joy. 

Here’s to the beauty of walking a lifetime with someone who truly knows and loves you for who you are. Thank you for being my friend, my anchor, and my inspiration.

A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you. – John O’ Donohue

References

Dreher, J. (2009) ‘Phenomenology of Friendship: Construction and Constitution of an Existential Social Relationship’, Human Studies, December 2009, Vol. 32, No. 4.

O’ Donohue, J. (2011) ‘Anam Cara’, Bantam Books: London.

Schutz, A. (1945/1962) ‘On multiple realities’. In M. Natanson (Ed.), Collected papers, vol. I. The problem of social reality (pp. 207-259). Den Haag: Nijhoff. 

Schutz, A. (1989). Appendix: ‘The notebooks’. In A. Schutz & T. Luckmann (Eds.), The structures of the life-world (Vol. 2, pp. 159-324). Evanston: Northwestern University Press. 

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